I am grateful for... (#6)

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Started this grateful journal on 10/8/2019

Whenever I think about Thanksgiving, my mind conjures memories of hotpot instead of turkey. I remember gathering with extended family members in the Chicagoland area and enjoying good Chinese food, but it was never associated with gratitude or reflection. It wasn’t until I spent Thanksgiving with a friend’s family one year that I realized people actually share what they’re thankful for before starting the meal. As we went around the table, I could feel my discomfort growing at this new experience of sharing something personal in a group setting. However, the structured process helped me sit in my uncomfortableness to engage in a new experience, and reflective gratitude has become an important tool in my own development as a therapist.

One of the reasons active appreciation was such a foreign concept to me is probably due to the way it was modeled in our Asian family. Chinese parents often show their appreciation through gifts and food. Even though we were taught to be polite and always say thank you to our elders, there was an underlying sense of obligation to fulfill. A common experience for immigrant children is the process of translating official documents and paperwork for parents, which for me included creating resumes, completing emails, and being the in-home IT support. All of these tasks were viewed as part of my duty as a son, and the ultimate demonstration of my appreciation for my parents would be to get a high-paying job, be healthy, and have a happy marriage. Perhaps it is the weight of filial piety that makes it harder for us to not only be thankful for others, but also appreciate ourselves. A simple way to start practicing gratitude is by writing down 1-3 things that you are grateful for at the end of each day. Quick and easy.

Step one: Choose your medium (notebook, word document, phone app)

Step two: Spend 3-5 minutes reflecting on the day and the things that you are grateful for

Step three: Write down the date and your reflections 

The structured routine will establish neural networks that gradually make it more habitual to have an appreciative attitude throughout the day. If you started documenting this Thanksgiving, imagine how many entries you would have by November of 2020. It would be great to look back on the entire year and see how all of these things that you are thankful for have helped you grow as a person. I do not blame my family for the way I was raised, especially recognizing that it is hard for parents to give what they never received as children. That being said, I can put in the self-work to be more proactive and direct about my appreciation of myself, knowing that I can be different than the invisible descriptions bound by cultural expectations. So for my entry today: I am thankful that I work on my mental health, I am thankful that I am able to express my emotions on a whole new level, and I am thankful for the hard work that brought me here. Happy Thanksgiving!

And it continues!