Cohabitation: modeling meets therapy (part 1 of 3) (#5)
5 Minute Read
First photoshoot: Love Anonymous
I can still remember blearily stumbling out of bed and crawling into my friend’s brother’s car. It was a random Saturday, and instead of sleeping in like my pounding headache was begging me to, I was headed towards a warehouse that would change the course of my adult life. College sophomores tend to exist between the margins of classes, partying, and figuring life out, but modeling for a t-shirt company in that freezing cold room stoked an ambitious spark that has since fanned into a career flame. When the photographer told me that I could actually be a “real” model if I only filled out a bit more, his perspective became my objective. Over the course of the next five years, I would go from grimy newbie to agency-signed, all the while gaining new skills as a marriage and family therapist.
Through the next two years of college, I became far more dedicated to the gym and pushing my body beyond its original limits. Here I have to credit my friend Darrell for being a constant source of motivation and persistence, even during the days when I felt like being comfortable. When I decided to forfeit my initial startup company and move to San Francisco, I gathered up my graduation photos in the hopes of landing something at an open call walk-in.
If you ever want to learn a valuable life lesson, just let your ego take a hit. Or two. Or three.
Naively, I presumed that my physical assets of being a relatively taller Asian man might earn me some credit. Instead, I stumbled blindly from agency to agency, without any sort of portfolio or representation, never to hear from them again. After getting shunned by the top dogs of Chicago, San Francisco, and LA, I was fairly set on burying this “superficial” dream. It was a year into my training as a marriage and family therapist, I was emotionally wrung through, and had a significant amount of time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Swallowing my bruised pride, I started working on a serious portfolio and cold-called others to collaborate for photo shoots. One of the photographers had worked with 10 MGMT in Chicago before and encouraged me to apply. After submitting my application online, I showed up to the preliminary interview 20 minutes late because I could not find parking in downtown Chicago. The management team was professional but brief, and I felt some nervousness even after they decided to sign me. I finally tasted the fruit of belonging after I booked my first gig and got co-signed to LA Models when I moved to LA. Perhaps, as a model, your external value comes in the validation from others.
Walking the tightrope of modeling on one side and providing therapy on the other is a very polarizing experience. Were it not for the experiences I gained in my own therapy work as well as graduate school, I would not have re-entered the modeling field with a healthy mindset. The irony of constantly being judged for my body while viewing my clients with unconditional positive regard is not lost on me; however, just like I encourage my clients to inch out of their comfort zones, modeling pushes me out of mine. I am grateful for the opportunity to strive for something creative, even if it requires my time, dedication, and the tear and repair of strengthening muscles. Becoming a better model makes me a better therapist, though I never would have known that had I not failed my first thirty tries.