Navigating stress when you feel like you’re dying (#8)
5 Minute Read
My last final!
With finals season coming up for our students, and the “end-of-the-year crunch” happening for everyone else, the culture of achievement commonly found in the Asian-American experience can create a lot of anxiety. Sometimes, the fear of falling short of our own expectations can be even more stressful than actually missing the mark. When we go through an education system, we tend to make meaning of the grades and accolades that we earn, thus internalizing our sense of worth based on meeting certain criteria. Unfortunately, when a high-achieving person gets placed in an environment that challenges them, it can disrupt the whole internal value system, heightening feelings of depression, anxiousness, worthlessness, and fear of failure. Trapped in our own minds, these negative feelings can easily spiral out of control, often taking over our external actions.
When combating the thought spiral of doom, it is important to remember that you are not dying, no matter what your anxiety says. As with any feelings of discomfort, those feelings that the world is ending and those dreadful coils of despair in your stomach will fade as long as you are in a physically safe space. The effective way to address the active mind and paralyzed body combination is by substituting physical paralysis with healthy actions. A regular sleep schedule, healthy nutrition, and daily exercise can all initiate somatic change within our bodies, activating different neural networks that take energy away from fueling the thoughts of inadequacy. In addition to overriding negative thoughts with physical activity, you can also try keeping a thought record to organize your experience and generate new possibilities for your mind.
Thought record (n.): A tool based in cognitive behavioral therapy that examines the thoughts and feelings associated with a stressful situation to identify what is based in reality versus unhelpful distortions. The overall process is intended to present a more balanced view of the circumstance and validate the feelings that come with it.
Case Study
As therapists, our job takes on a lot of emotional and mental burden that can manifest in physical distress. One of my Asian-American therapist friends recently started working at a treatment center and gradually felt overwhelmed with the balance of work, side jobs, family life, and personal time. In her own words, “I’m usually the person that can fall asleep in less than 3 minutes. Now it takes me closer to an hour or more, and I wake up due to nightmares or panic attacks at least twice a week. There’s a permanent tension in my shoulders, and a constant ball of nerves in my stomach. While I’m at work I can get in the zone and be present for my clients, but as soon as I finish my last session of the day, or if I read a work email at home, all of the anxiety symptoms come rushing back, and I start having difficulty breathing.”
My friend was going to keep a thought record for 3 days, but due to work stress only ended up writing one, which is included below. After completing the thought record, she still felt a lot of the physical sensations, but found it easier to process her own emotions and address the irrational thought patterns. The day she completed the thought record, she had 27 notes to write and chose to work on her mental health instead. To her own surprise, the next day, she was not only able to complete all of the paperwork from before, but also the corresponding paperwork for the new day. The alternative thoughts were more mentally accessible because she had written them down, so even though the feelings of anxiety were still present, she was able to utilize more productive coping skills. A thought record cannot take the place of an actual therapist, but it can be helpful to slow down the waves of negative thoughts and force us to base our perceptions in reality. As a CBT therapist, thought records are a common tool in my practice, and I would encourage anyone experiencing anxiety to carve out a 30-minute block to process the mental, emotional, and physical. If you have a lot of trouble coming up with facts that provide evidence against the unhelpful thought or an alternative, more realistic and balanced perspective, you can always try completing the sheet with a trusted friend, loved one, or therapist. Leave a comment if you need help with the instructions!
Example Thought Record
Stressful events like finals or year-end reports tend to give us tunnel vision, where the only thing we can focus on is the end goal of completing a really difficult task. Even though it might seem like there is no extra time to spare, choosing to improve one’s mental health can reduce the desires to avoid i, thereby boosting productivity. If 30 minutes for a thought record or brisk walk around the block seems too unreasonable, then maybe just 10 minutes of making a to-do list for structure, or 5 minutes of meditation, or 1 minute of deep breathing can start to change the status quo.
Feelings of anxiety are normal, albeit uncomfortable. It is the body’s way of communicating a desire to survive despite less than ideal circumstances. For anyone that is carrying the weight of cultural, familial, and personal expectations on their shoulders, I want you to know that even if today is a flop, tomorrow can always be better. When we choose to change our behavior, it impacts our thought processes, which then changes how we feel towards our circumstances. Whether you are facing finals, proposals, dissertations, meetings, family reunions, deadlines, or even just the daily task of getting out of bed, there will always be multiple strategies for positive outcomes, and perfection is never the objective. Good luck everyone!