New Year, New Bet (#12)
6 Minute Read
7/15/2016 - My before 8 am photo at the gym!
We are all familiar with the cycle of setting new year’s resolutions, going hard at it for maybe a day, or a week, or even a month, and then falling off the wagon only to never pick it up again. Maintaining new habits is hard, especially if they are uncomfortable or require some level of sacrifice. This week’s post is going to be a slight departure from our usual therapeutic vibe, because sometimes you just have to suck it up, and more importantly, find someone that will help you to stick with it.
Kevin Yu Therapy is proud to introduce the revolutionary tool: a good old-fashioned bet. Yeah, we know that revolutionary and old-fashioned contradict each other, but hear us out. Based on what we know about behavior science and psychology, rewards/punishments, accountability, and measurable achievements are key to building new habits. Fortunately, making a bet with friends that will not bend to one’s excuses incorporates all three.
Step One: Identify Goal and Measurable Achievement
Back when I was living in San Francisco, myself and a group of friends decided that we were going to get serious about fitness. In order to know that we were putting in the work, we had to send the group chat a picture of ourselves at the gym before 8am each day. (The goal is better fitness, the measurable achievement is the group chat photo)
Step Two: Determine Reward or Punishment
Everyone is different, and I personally take punishments way harder than I enjoy any form of reward. For the bet I made with my San Francisco friends, if we failed to send that gym selfie, we were required to Venmo the group $5 on the spot. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Being broke in one of the most expensive cities in the world, I definitely was not going to waste my hard-earned money on a missed gym appointment. (Punishment works better for me, so I chose that. If a reward system works better for you, then create a reward that provides fairly immediate gratification. The whole “I’ll buy this for myself after I’ve accomplished 30 days” is not immediate enough to hit those dopamine receptors)
Step Three: Recruit a Solid Accountability Partner
If someone is holding me accountable, that means they are not going to let me off the hook, no matter what kind of rationale I throw at them. It is important that I recruit someone who is encouraging but firm, supportive but determined. My San Francisco friends all held each other accountable for that $5; in fact, one person never showed up to the gym and ended up funding the majority of our celebratory party a month later. In other bets with different friends, we have held each other accountable for purchasing plane tickets and taking an unnecessary ACT. Whether during the bet or once it is over, there are no hard feelings about holding a friend accountable so they can achieve their goals. (Find a group, an individual, even a programmed AI system that reasonably and supportively pushes you outside of your comfort zone)
Change is hard. It is not an easy process to rewire neural pathways and instill different responses. When all of the excel spreadsheets, motivational podcasts, and reflective journaling are not enough, why not try making a bet involving immediate consequences or rewards? Every mistake and missed opportunity is a data point to not only recalibrate, but also identify routine stumbling blocks. If you have any new year’s bets that you’d like to make, sound them out in the comments below! I am more than happy to hold you accountable and receive $5 on Venmo each morning!